MAY 8: Vinny Zollo, the promising freshman basketball player from McClain High School, looks to be moving on after a successful year with the Tigers. Not only has it been reported that Zollo will transfer to another high school for next year, but apparently he’s even made a verbal commitment to play (eventually) for the University of Kentucky. Along those same lines, rivals.com is reporting that 6’4” California eighth grader Michael Avery has made a commitment to play for UK. Coach Billy Gillespie seems to be trying to get a jump on the competition. In the meantime, Zollo and Avery are shopping for high schools…
Read more at:
http://www.timesgazette.com/main.asp?SectionID=3&SubSectionID=3&ArticleID=152901
http://rivalshoops.rivals.com/content.asp?SID=910&CID=803673
From a recent Rotary bulletin:
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
The mother, more that a little surprised, asked fearfully, "That's interesting. How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
MAY 6: Subtle reminder to children and husbands: Mother’s Day is Sunday. Here are some thoughts about mothers as seen through the eyes of second graders (passed along by Joanna Robinett):
All answers given by second grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of string.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background, like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
MAY 5: The New Directions Mexican Dinner is scheduled Saturday, May 10 from 5-7:30 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church in Greenfield. Free will donations will be accepted to help fund the youth ministry that has been serving the youth of Greenfield since 1989.
As noted in the blog yesterday, many jokes have been made about John McCain’s age, but have you seen his MOTHER? From what I’ve seen on TV she’s very impressive for a 95-year-old. I found an interview with her and John on YouTube at:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=F3LVZJoo8cs
MORE GUITAR STUFF: Larry Chapman brought up the name of the revered guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan on his website. SRV was one of those guys who enjoyed jamming with other guitarists and held his own with all the big names. One of my favorites SRV duets is a version of “Pipeline” that he did with surf music legend Dick Dale. Rock on to this one!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=52FpuqD3W5M
Speaking of great guitarists, we have a few in our community. Just the other day I ran into Gary Adams, and I’ve got to tell you, he looks great! If you recall, Gary was involved in a very serious accident a few years ago and was outfitted with a halo device and had a rod placed in his arm. It’s been a long road back, but he has gained some weight and through a lot of determination, taught that left hand to play the guitar again. Gary says he’s mostly playing steel guitar these days, and he has worked out some unique tunings that allow him to play traditional steel guitar licks as well as standard six-string licks. Gary has been guitarist for George Jones and Johnny Paycheck, so he knows a little bit about country music. I wonder if there are any Gary Adams performances on YouTube…
I’ll try to move on to another subject besides guitars soon, but for today I’ll close with a quote from classical guitarist Christopher Parkening in the March 2008 issue of Guitar Player magazine:
Q. How does one become an excellent guitarist?
A. “I encourage my students to pursue a commitment to personal excellence based on their own God-given potential. Success and excellence are often competing ideals. Being successful does not mean you will be excellent, and being excellent does not necessarily mean you will be successful. Success may be cheap, and you can take shortcuts to get there, but excellence will always cost you everything.”
MAY 4: This has been the best spring I remember in a long time. The redbuds are still in good form at our place and along the roadways, as we noticed during trips to Washington C.H. and Chillicothe this weekend. The temperature’s been great too – I’ll just keep my shorts in the dresser for a little longer.
The Cincinnati Reds continue to play as if they are not a good team. I can’t understand it, but evidently firing the general manager didn’t make that much of a difference. Hopefully they will start firing on all cylinders soon, and we can all rejoice when Ken Griffey Jr. reaches the 600-home run plateau. I looked him up on Wikipedia and was surprised to learn that he had a Ken Griffey Jr. chocolate bar named after him, but that unfortunately he’s allergic to chocolate! A more serious bit of info claimed on the page is that just before reaching the Big Leagues, the young Griffey tried to commit suicide by swallowing 277 aspirin. Since arriving in the majors, he’s been a model citizen and never been linked to steroid use or inappropriate behavior. Griffey’s career stats (including 56 home runs on consecutive years with Seattle) are mentioned on the page as well. Take a look at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ken_Griffey_Jr.
Nice to see that Larry Chapman is still reading my blog and adding his own thoughts on such subjects as Willie Nelson and Jeff Healey. Sounds like Nelson’s book, “The Tao of Willie,” would be an interesting read. I haven’t had a chance to see the video of Healey with Stevie Ray Vaughan, but it’s got to be good. Check out Larry’s comments at:
http://www.greenfield-ohio.com/050308%20coffee-vaughn-etc.htm
Pat Hays gave me the evil eye regarding some of the political jokes I posted recently. I asked him to send me some McCain jokes and I’d use them, being the fair-minded guy that I am. Nothing came in the mail yet so I decided to be proactive and found the following:
"McCain came out this week with a list of 20 possible running mates. He would not reveal the names of all of them, but he said they all share certain traits, like knowing CPR. He said he wants someone who is ready take over on day two." -Bill Maher
"John McCain is now crisscrossing the United States campaigning. Or, as they're calling it, Antiques Roadshow." - Jay Leno
"John McCain's daughter is in the news. John McCain's daughter says that a lot of guys don't want to date her because her dad makes her too high-profile. Yeah. That's part of the reason. It's also because McCain's daughter is 63 years old." -Conan O'Brien
One thing I’ve found when it comes to Pat Hays and John McCain is that I have a hard time typing their names correctly. Somehow, Pat Hays sometimes becomes Pay Hays – we used to misspell it in the newspaper with some regularity – sorry Pat! I think it’s a dyslexic thing where I know that the “y” is coming up, and I jump the gun a little bit. Now I’ve noticed that when I type McCain, about 90% of the time I type “McClain” instead. I can understand that one, having typed our high school’s name probably more times than I’ve typed me own name.
More McCain nuggets can be found at:
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/johnmccain/a/johnmccainjokes.htm
MAY 1: A couple of musical icons have come to my attention in the past few days. One is the talented, mold-breaking, Farm Aid-sponsoring and all-around interesting WILLIE NELSON, who just turned 75 on April 30. In a sense he’s been old for a long time, but on the other hand, Willie is one of those folks for whom old age seems impossible. I acquired a couple of Willie’s albums back in the 1970s when he was riding the outlaw wave with Waylon Jennings, Greenfield’s own Johnny Paycheck and others. Then I learned that he had written some country classics like “Crazy,” “Night Life” and “Hello Walls.” Willie’s musical tastes can’t be categorized easily. Over the years he’s sung duets with artists he admires from all genres of music, done a little acting and been an activist for causes that he cares about.
Some of Nelson’s performances can be found on YouTube at the links below. Belated happy birthday, Willie! Old age is just a state of mind, and you’re not there yet!
"Pancho and Lefty" (with Merle Haggard): http://youtube.com/watch?v=JxzJAF1BxP4
"Gravedigger" (from 2007 with Willie showcasing every wrinkle): http://youtube.com/watch?v=e5gTd2xMKHk
"The Rainbow Connection" from "The Muppet Movie" (a little more touchy-feely; takes a couple of minutes to get to Willie singing and playing, but it's worth it): http://youtube.com/watch?v=oX9E_D_HjBo
The other news I just read in Guitar Player magazine was about the death of JEFF HEALEY at the age of 42, a guitarist not so well known but a monster on the fretboard. Blind since infancy, Healey played guitar on his lap, using his left hand to fret the instrument somewhat like a piano player does. It looks strange, but just listen to his amazing bluesy style, which proves there is indeed more than one way to skin a cat...
Healey gained some national attention for his performance in the movie “Road House” and later got some radio airplay with an impressive remake of the Beatles’ “While My Guitar Gently Weeps.” I have an album of his entitled “Cover to Cover” that features a great collection of electric blues classics and a few rockers as well.
"While my Guitar Gently Weeps": http://youtube.com/watch?v=MJh3KaIKDAw&feature=related
"See the Light": http://youtube.com/watch?v=rBBCJ68mC4c
"Roadhouse Blues": http://youtube.com/watch?v=rIZywo3PBTE&feature=related
APRIL 30: In case you haven’t heard the news, Greenfield has a new city manager, the first in the city’s history. Charley Bowman of Kent was employed by City Council on Tuesday night and brings with him an impressive resume that includes stints as city manager at Xenia and (I think) Geneva, Ohio. You can read more on the Times-Gazette’s website link below, with more scheduled to follow in Thursday’s edition.
http://www.timesgazette.com/main.asp?SectionID=18&SubSectionID=175&ArticleID=152636
Thanks to Ron Sexton for the following, which sums up my sentiments as well:
To all my friends who in 2007 sent me best wishes, chain letters, “angel” letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something,
NONE OF THAT CRAP WORKED!
For 2008, could you please just send money, BEER, chocolate, or gasoline vouchers instead?
Thank you!
Melinda sent this novel approach to telling the world which presidential candidates you favor:
ELECTION THOUGHT
There are less than eight months until the election, an election that will decide the next President of the United States. The person elected will be the president of all Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans. To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice. It's time that we all came together, Democrats and Republicans alike.
If you support the policies and character of John McCain, please drive with your headlights on during the day.
If you support Obama or Hillary, please drive with your headlights off at night.
(Apologies to Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and their supporters.)
More athletic quotes (I realize some are pretty old, but they’re still funny):
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"
Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
APRIL 29: One of my favorite sports columnists is Paul Zimmerman, better known as Dr. Z, who writes for Sports Illustrated and used to be one of Yahoo’s featured columnists. Recently I stumbled upon his comments about the NFL draft and had to check out his thoughts on how the Cincinnati Bengals did. While Dr. Z’s best grade for the draft went to the Miami Dolphins, he gave the Bengals good marks for drafting quality players that will help meet the team’s needs.
Realizing that Dr. Z is sort of an acquired taste, I fearlessly recommend a column he wrote several years ago about his penchant for timing the performance of “The Star-Spangled Banner” at sporting events. It seems Dr. Z always keeps a stopwatch handy and makes notes about the quality of the performance, which seems to be directly connected to the brevity of the song. Dr. Z has great admiration for anyone who breaks the one-minute mark, but cannot hide his distain for the longest performance he has witnessed, clocked at a glacial 2:34.8. I did a search for “paul zimmerman national anthem” and found the aforementioned column in its entirety, which you can read at the link immediately following. Perhaps you’ll never feel the same way about the national anthem again! If you don’t warm up to the column immediately, bear with Dr. Z (at least read about his interaction with opera star Robert Merrill):
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2004/writers/dr_z/02/26/insider/index.html
For Dr. Z’s comments on the NFL draft:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/writers/dr_z/04/28/draft.roundup/index.html
A compilation of many of Dr. Z’s columns (but not the one about the National Anthem) can be found at:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/writers/dr_z/archive/index.html
APRIL 28: I received an interesting link to the “World Clock” today from George Smith. It lists a running total of the population, number of various diseases, injuries, marriages, divorces, abortions, world temperature, number of cars, bicycles and computers produced, and other statistics. The one that counts up the fastest is the number of barrels of oil pumped. Check it out at:
http://www.chippynews.com/worldclock.htm
I don’t know if the World Clock means that the end of near, but just in case, this is a good time to pass along the new version of the Ten Commandments, now in the Appalachian dialect:
(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin' before God
(3) Watch yer mouth
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(6) No killin'
(7) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
(8) Don't take what ain't yers
(9) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff
Now that's kinda plain ‘n' simple, don't ya think? Y'all have a nice day.
APRIL 27: It’s been a nice weekend for me, enjoying the beautiful weather and doing some planting and trimming outside amid the fragrant smells of rosebuds and other blossoms. I always enjoy doing some work outdoors while the National Football League draft is underway. It’s spring, hope is eternal, and it seems every NFL team has drafted players that will mean a Super Bowl win – or at least a deep run into the playoffs!
While rummaging around for something this weekend, I came upon the photo above from 1982 or ’83, I estimate. I took it during pre-commencement activities at McClain High School when I was editor of the Greenfield Daily Times. The featured speaker was former OSU football coach Woody Hayes, and I remember the occasion because Dianna and I were invited to a dinner at the school for a get-acquainted session with the legendary coach.
Pictured L-R are Steve Iseman, Tom Beatty, Robert Free, Carol Stoll, Coach Hayes and Paul Orr, another legendary coach in McClain football circles. I believe all of the above except Hayes were on the school board at that time.
At commencement later that evening, Woody Hayes told the graduates about the importance of “paying forward” to help others – just as someone else had made provisions for the graduates’ education in a beautiful school unlike any other.
As fate would have it, the Greenfield Exempted Village School District is facing some tough decisions in the wake of the March defeat of the income tax renewal issue. The board and administration invite the public to a meeting at 6 p.m. Wednesday, April 30 to discuss the situation. The meeting will take place in the MHS cafeteria.
An old man was on his deathbed, and wanted to be buried with his money. He called his pastor, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."
At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the pastor suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 to repair the roof of the church."
"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new X-ray machine for the pediatrics ward at the hospital which cost $20,000."
The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, I enclosed a check for the full $30,000."
APRIL 23: The Cincinnati Reds made news today by firing General Manager Wayne Krivsky just 21 games into the season, replacing him with Walt Jocketty, who previously worked with Reds owner Bob Castellini in St. Louis. Frankly, I was surprised, and the Reds still lost tonight, so it didn’t make an immediate impact. However, I am hopeful for these reasons: Bob Castellini is probably the closest that Cincinnati can come to having a team owner like George Steinbrenner. Like the Yankees owner, Castellini is all about winning and not so much about patience. He’s willing to increase the payroll to have a winning team. This just might work out!
I stumbled upon these “actual quotes” from signs and instructions around the world. Can’t confirm their veracity, but they have a certain ring to them!
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
"LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR. "
At a Budapest zoo:
"PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY."
Doctors office, Rome:
"SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES."
Hotel, Acapulco:
"THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE. "
Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
"COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF. "
2008 WHEELS OF PROGRESS BOOTH FORM
APRIL 22: I hardly ever get to the movies any more, but as luck would have it I saw two flicks in four days recently. The movie stars sure look larger than life on those mammoth multiplex theater screens than they do when we rent tapes and DVDs and watch them at home. Of course, the cost is magnified too. Would you believe $7 apiece for a matinee showing and $9 for the regular adult price?
Anyway, I enjoyed both movies. The first was “Leatherheads” featuring George Clooney, Renee Zellweger and John Kraszinski, an enjoyable romp through the early days of professional football in the 1920s. I enjoy Clooney for his good-natured approach to comedy. He’s not afraid to be a bit silly, even goofy, if I remember his role correctly in “O Brother Where Art Thou?”
On Sunday we found ourselves at the same theater trying to find a movie that all six of us had not seen and thought we could enjoy. Most of the offerings were quickly eliminated for one reason or another, and someone suggested “The Forbidden Kingdom.” I didn’t know anything about it, but when I heard it had Jackie Chan in a starring role I thought it might be worth a look. Turns out that the film, which also features Jet Li, was a feel-good story of good over evil, with generous doses of comedy thrown in. I think this is the first martial arts movie I’ve paid to see since “The Karate Kid.”
Now I think we’ll go back to more affordable video rentals and freebies from the library. There are lots and lots of films we haven’t seen yet on those shelves. We can make popcorn for next to nothing and fast-forward through the commercials and previews if we want to.
For more info about the movies mentioned above visit:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leatherheads
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Forbidden_Kingdom
Marvin Lewis called Chad Johnson’s bluff today. The All-Pro receiver has threatened to sit out if he isn’t traded by the Bengals. Lewis responded at a press conference today: "He's stated without an opportunity to go to a different team and a new contract, he wasn't going to play. I think he's a man of his word and says he's not going to play, so don't play."
Way to go, Marvin!
More quotes from the category of why athletes can't have real jobs...
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
APRIL 21: The birthday celebration is dying down as it’s nearly midnight. I celebrated with two things I’m very fond of – carrot cake and basketball.
As I looked at the “palindrome cakes” photo posted yesterday, I realized it’s pretty hard to make out the numbers on Phil Free’s cake. Our respective ages then were 54, 22, 45. Now little Wade is 27, and while it’s no palindrome, you can do the math to calculate the ages of Phil and myself.
The other day I heard Marty Brenneman and Jeff Brantley discussing a “Scoreboard Stumper” question: name the four players whose last names begin with the letter “F” that have slugged 50 or more home runs in a season. I got two pretty easily: George Foster and Jimmy Foxx. The others eluded me so I looked it up. Wouldn’t you know, it’s a father and son pair of “F” names.
If you’re still stumped, click on the link of the 50 Home Run Club:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/50_home_run_club
Seen around town: It is easier to preach 10 sermons than to live one.
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
APRIL 20: It’s time to check in after another nice weekend of travel and adventure. Today’s topic was birthday celebrations, as my son Wade and I enjoy the same birthday. (It’s actually tomorrow but we celebrate when we can!) We got together in Columbus, took in a movie and had a nice dinner. My cousin Margie Free’s husband Phil also has a birthday around this same time of year (he reached a BIG milestone today), which reminded me of an occasion several years ago where Phil, Wade and I celebrated with three cakes and realized that the birthdays made up a numeric palindrome. I don’t think we’ll have another palindrome anytime soon, so here’s the picture for your enjoyment.
Another end-of-the-week activity for Dianna and me was attending the Family, Career and Community Leaders of America Convention in Columbus. One nice activity that the FCCLA has undertaken is the purchase of foodstuffs to feed the needy. On Friday morning the students helped unload a semi-load of items, which were distributed at the Ohio State Fairgrounds that afternoon. Here’s a photo showing the students in action.
More about FCCLA: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FCCLA
Finally, a got a nice note from David Zoldak concerning the jock quotes featured recently:
Ron,
The Joe Theismann quote is particularly embarrassing because like me, he went to Notre Dame. My all time favorite jock quote came from Dennis "Oil Can" Boyd after a Red Sox/Indians game in 1986 was postponed at Cleveland Stadium due to fog:
"That’s what they get for building a park on the ocean."
Wow! Thanks, David, that’s a good one. Ocean Erie it’s not! “Oil Can” had a great nickname – they just don’t make ‘em like that any more…
